One More Time With Feeling
by Darling Pretty
Summary: Post-season finale. After Izzie's death, Alex leaves to stay with his best friend. It's not his fault that she happens to live in LA. And it's not his fault that she loves to play matchmaker. Addison/Alex. How next season should go.
1. Misery

**God, I have absolutely no business starting a new story. But it's a shorter one and I really like it, so I thought I would. I'm thinking between five and seven chapters. I already have the next chapter written, so I'll post it soon if I get enough reviews.**

**The title is a fabulous Regina Spektor song, even though it really has nothing to do with the story. But I thought it worked.**

**_One More Time With Feeling_ is purely fictional. All recognizable characters are the creation of Shonda Rhimes. Any similarities between fictional characters and real people is coincidental, and not my intention.**

**I'd like to dedicate this story to two people: Kate811 and my wonderful friend Linda. Linda was wonderful in helping me come up with the idea. Kate811 told me she would read this, which is really all the encouragement anyone could ask for. And besides, spiritually, she already has the first review.**

* * *

He had to leave. After Izzie had… well, you know, he had to leave. Seattle was making him claustrophobic. It was like the rain-laden clouds that were always overhead were suffocating him.

First Ava, now Izzie. Since when did bad things happen to the women he was serious about? Probably since he started getting serious with women, while resolutely _not _thinking about another woman. But she is always there in the back of his mind, whispering that he's trying to replace her; that Ava's brownish-red hair, and Izzie's blonde locks are no substitute for her own fiery color.

It's not that he didn't love Izzie. He loved Izzie with almost everything he had. He loved her with everything but that corner in the back of his mind—the one that told the absolute truth and nothing but the truth. That stupid corner that screamed that he loved Izzie for their history, and as a friend, but, and this is crucial, he could never love her like he loves that damn infuriating woman with the red hair.

He had told her she wasn't his girlfriend and she had left. He had accepted it as a fact of life—he wasn't ready for any sort of serious commitment to her, and she needed to deal with that. Okay, so maybe he could have phrased it so it didn't sting as much, but he had never been one to soften his words. So he told her and she left. But she kept coming back, and each time she did, she showed him just how huge of a mistake he had made.

And then Izzie. She was dying, they all knew that, but nobody wanted to say it out loud. He wanted her happy, and if marrying him made her happy, then he'd do it for her. He was glad that he could make her final days happy, even if every once in awhile, when he wasn't thinking about it, he'd catch a glimpse of red, and his mind would drift back to his devil—they had called her Satan while she was here, and now she is his own personal demon. He's like an alcoholic—he wants to kick the habit, but there is always some part in him yearning, calling out for her.

He hasn't cried since Izzie died. God knows he needs to, but there are only two women in the world he is able to cry in front of now, and they both currently reside in California.

So he had made arrangements to relocate. That he was relocating to Los Angeles raised more than a few eyebrows, but without Izzie around to badger him, no one said anything, and he didn't offer it up. Besides, he assured himself, he wasn't going to look for his redhead (whose name he can't bring himself to think, let alone say). He was going to find his oldest friend, who just happens to be an aspiring actress who happens to live in LA. It's not as if he can control where she lives.

She was the only one to ever know everything about him. Maybe his redhead had come close, but he had never revealed everything to her. He and Becca went as far back as peanut butter and jelly.

Becca Sinclair (formerly Rebecca-Lynn St. Claire, but she had changed her name for a more actress-y feel. Her words, not his. And it didn't really matter—he's always called her Bex anyways) has always been there. Her family lived across the street from his, and they had moved into their house long before Alex was even a thought crossing his parents' drug-muddled minds. Bex is a year older than him. She has always been in his life, and he has a feeling she always will be. He doesn't mind the thought. They've been friends since Alex was brought home from the hospital. It was her house that he would run to when his mother's screams became unbearable, and when he had hit his father. He stayed at her house when his father left and his mother was too disgusted to look at him. It was her family that had helped pay for what his wrestling scholarship did not, even though Bex was already a full year into college, studying to become an actress, and they were starting to feel the financial strain.

Bex is family. Which is why when he explains the situation to her, she starts getting the guest room ready for him before they've hung up.

She really is a good actress, and it's starting to pay off. She's scored parts on some pretty big television shows and a couple smaller ones in movies. She's quickly becoming one to watch, and he's incredibly proud of her.

He had been incredibly surprised when he had first seen her. Iowa Bex had dirty blonde hair and green eyes. LA Bex still has her green eyes, but her hair is a rich chocolate brown. He hadn't been expecting it, but he's gotten used to it.

He's also starting to get used to the fact that Izzie is gone. He's getting used to the pain, and it's starting to dull a little. The trick, really, he thinks, is just getting up each day, and just making it until you can go to sleep, and if you're lucky, then maybe one day, it'll be just a little easier to get up, and it'll keep going that way, so one day you can actually look forward to something.

He's been in LA for almost a year now, and he's finally starting to look forward to things. It's been hard, but Bex always has been good at pulling him out of funks. She's always known exactly what to say to make his pain better.

She's also always been great at pushing him to do things. Her latest obsession is getting him to date. She insists that a double date would be a good idea, but he's getting wise to her tricks.

It's one of his rare days off, and Bex has decided that they're going to spend the entire day together. Except then she remembers something. "Oh crap, Alex, I'm really sorry, but I just realized that I have an OB/GYN appointment today at eleven."

"It's okay," he says, although he was looking forward to spending time with her.

"Hey, I have an idea!" she exclaims, her voice dripping in her trademark enthusiasm. "Why don't you just come with me?"

"You want me to come with you to your OB/GYN appointment?" he asks. "Seriously?"

"Why not? I said we'd spend the whole day together. And I have to go to this. Unless you want to examine me, Mr. Doctor." She flashes him a grin and he shakes his head. They're comfortable together, but not _that _comfortable. He's done hundreds of exams, mostly while he was on _her _service, but never on Bex. It would be like sleeping with his cousin.

"Too weird," he says.

"So see? You should come with! And my gynecologist is really pretty. Like really, _really _pretty. I bet you two would hit it off. She seems like your type. Oh my God, I should totally set you guys up!"

"Uh, no, you shouldn't."

"Why not?" she pouts. "I just want you happy, Alex. You know that."

"And I can be happy without sleeping with the one woman who sees you naked."

"Oh, not all the way naked," Bex scoffs. "And it so doesn't count. Come on, she's single…ish."

Alex raises an eyebrow, a trait he picked up from _her_. "Single_ish_? What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, I have this sneaking suspicion about her and this other doctor at the practice, and I've heard rumors about one of her patient's husband, but I'm not really around enough to know much about anything. And you're ten times better than the other guys, and she'd be crazy to pick them over you. But I'm pretty sure she's single anyways. I mean, our whole thing is we bitch about our sucky love lives. It's kind of fun, really. I mean, aside from the part where I'm getting examined and all. Still hate that."

"Forget it. Not doing it."

"_Alex,_" Bex whines. "Please? Don't make me throw a temper tantrum. You know I'll do it."

He rolls his eyes. She would too. And Bex has quite a healthy set of lungs. "Fine. I'll come. But you are _not _setting me up with her."

She sighs heavily. "Fine. Now go get dressed. We need to leave in like fifteen minutes."

0ooo0

They sit in the waiting area of the office as they wait for Bex to be called. It doesn't take very long. They both hear the heels clicking down the hallway, and Alex looks up to catch a glimpse of the OB/GYN who would apparently be perfect in every way (according to Bex, who wouldn't shut up the entire car ride over). Then he sees her and stops dead.

_Crap,_ he thinks.

* * *

**Okay, so who wants to guess who Bex's OB/GYN is? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.**

**-Juli-**


	2. Discovery

**Okay, Chapter 2, coming right up! I can't update until Monday, since I'm off to Ashland, BUT I do have most of the next chapter written, and if you're extra, super nice to me and review, then I may be convinced to update right when I get home.**

**I own Bex. And even I don't really own her- she kind of just does what she wants.**

* * *

He stares, dumbfounded. He's pretty sure her face is an exact mirror of his. They both appear to be in some kind of shock.

"Alex, this is Dr. Montgomery," Bex introduces from somewhere down a very long, echo-y tunnel.

"Addison," he says her name for the first time since Izzie died.

"You know each other?" Bex asks, very confused by the entire thing. She turns to Addison. "You know each other?"

Addison panics. She doesn't know how much Becca Sinclair knows about what happened in Seattle. Obviously not a lot, since she doesn't seem to have realized that her boyfriend and her OB/GYN know each other. "Uh, yeah," she says carefully.

"Oh. Why would I not know that? You'd think that'd be something I'd know. Oh well." Bex shrugs. "If you want to point me in the right direction, I'll just go wait in the exam room while you two chat. It certainly looks like you've got a lot to talk about."

Addison opens her mouth to protest, but ends up just giving her directions to the empty exam room. Bex walks off, sending a sly look in Alex's direction.

Addison and Alex just stare at each other. "I didn't realize that you know Becca," she says; mostly just to break the silence. Besides, if they talk, then maybe she can ignore the fact that she _still _wants to jump him after three years.

"Bex? I've known her forever," he replies.

There's another awkward silence that seems to stretch into eternity. "I heard about Izzie. I'm so sorry, Alex." Yes, she is still incredibly pissed at the way he treated her, but no one deserves to watch the love of their life die.

"Yeah, thanks," he says with a nervous laugh. "We got married, you know."

"I heard," she replies. "I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times, but, for what it's worth, you made her happy, and that's really all anybody could ask."

"Thanks. Addison, I'm sorry… about before, I mean."

"Don't worry about it," she says easily. "You've got enough to think about. It's fine. Really." _No, no, no, it's not fine! _she screams in her mind. _You broke me and now you're here, just when I'm starting put myself back together! And on top of it all, you have a freaking girlfriend!_

"You don't sound like it," he accuses her.

"No, it's fine. I- I should probably go check out Becca," she stammers and heads off before they can get into this conversation.

0ooo0

"So you know Alex," Bex comments mildly.

"Uh, yeah," Addison replies. "He worked on my service for awhile in Seattle."

"How randomly coincidental. That I would know him and you would know him, I mean."

"Yeah, it's just wonderful," Addison murmurs sarcastically under her breath.

"He's a great guy," Bex informs her. "I'm definitely lucky to have him. He's gotten me through some really tough patches."

"Me too," Addison says, thinking about Seattle and therefore _not _thinking about what's coming out of her mouth.

Bex narrows her eyes. "Just how well _did _you know him?" she asks suspiciously.

"What?"

"I mean, are we talking about getting coffee and pastries, or in more of a biblical sense?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

"So you slept with him," Bex confirms. Then she gasps as she pieces together information that Addison has told her over the past three years and this new piece involving her best friend. "Oh my God, was he Girlfriend Guy?"

"Everything looks fine, Becca," Addison avoids the question. "Congratulations on another clean bill of health."

"Oh my God, he so was. I'm going to kick his ass."

"No, Becca, don't," Addison says desperately.

"Why not? He had absolutely no reason to be so terrible to you!"

"Becca, it's really sweet that you're so outraged, but you're my patient, and I don't know you all that well. Please, just leave it. It's really better this way."

"It's better that he broke your heart?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. Besides, he's got a broken one of his own. Although, it does seem like you're doing a great job of fixing that."

"I'm doing my best," Bex agrees. She means as a best friend, but Addison doesn't know this and assumes the worst.

Her heart plummets, but outwardly she remains calm. "And I'm glad to hear that. But really, it's fine."

"If you're sure…"

"I am."

"Fine. I won't."

"Thank you," Addison says, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'll let you get changed."

0ooo0

"She wants you, you know," Bex says casually over lunch.

Alex looks up sharply. "What?"

"Dr. Montgomery. She's obviously into you.'

"It's not like that, Bex," he denies. It's not like he's going to admit to her something that he hasn't even admitted to himself.

"So what is it like? Enlighten me."

"You don't want to know," he grumbles.

"I don't want to know what? That you slept with her and then decided that it was a horrendous idea? Or maybe you're talking about when you looked her straight in the eyes and told her she wasn't your girlfriend?"

"How did you…" He trails off as he realizes there is only one source she could have possibly gotten that information from.

Bex shrugs. "I told you; we commiserate over sucky love lives. I'm sorry that you were such an idiot that you warranted getting told to me, but that's your fault, not mine."

They sit in silence, much more comfortable than the one he shared with Addison earlier. "You're wrong, you know," Alex finally says. "She hates me."

"She does not. Did you see the way she was looking at you?"

"I was an asshole. She hates me for it. End of story."

"Oh, for God's sake, Alex!" Bex snaps. "Would you man up? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I saw how you looked at her, and I saw how she looked at you, and there really shouldn't be anything stopping you. So quit acting like such a martyr. I know you're scared, and I know you had a sucky family that never should have been allowed to keep you as long as they did. I know you've got a sucky history with women and a suckier one when it comes to love. But I'm your _best friend_, Alex, and I know you. And I know that you need her. You can't hide from me, Alex. I know you too well. You can't let her be the one that got away. You just can't!"

He shakes his head. "You're wrong. She hates me.'

Bex rolls her eyes. "If you ask me, she's freaking in love with you, but I'd settle for in strong like with you."

"I already lost her."

"So win her back," she replies.

"It's not that simple!" he exclaims.

"But it is, and you're an idiot for thinking otherwise."

"Look, can we just go?" he sighs.

"Fine, whatever, I don't care," Bex agrees. "But you're still a total idiot."

_And if you won't fight for her, I'll fight for you_, she adds in her head.

* * *

**So it wasn't the super-hot sexual tension or the freak out that people were hoping for, but you have to remember, they're in Addison's workplace, and after everything she's gone through, she's probably trying to keep it professional, and wouldn't flip out it the waiting area. She'd at least wait until she got home.**

**Next Up: Bex has a plan. Review to find out that plan. :)**

**-Juli-**


	3. Truce

**Okay, so you should know, this is going to be a long, rambly author's note, and you should feel free to skip ahead, if you so choose.**

**First off, hi, I'm back. Ashland was great. I got to thinking, people who don't live on the West Coast of the US probably don't know what's so great about Ashland or why I would see Shakespeare there. Ashland is in Oregon, and it's home to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, which is this really big deal. So that's why.**

**The trip was... interesting. It was one part roadtrip movie, one part every "family goes on vacation" television episode ever, just minus the disgusting bugs. But disgusting showers and six hour car drives galore.**

**The really sad thing? I got to see Henry VIII and all I could think about was the parallels between it and Grey's Anatomy. It made me really sad for myself. But, come on, Catherine handled herself with immense dignity while her husband lusted after some pretty young thing, save a few episodes. Is this sounding familiar to anyone?**

**So the really, really frustrating thing is that I wrote a lot of the way there and back. I got this chapter and the next all written out, plus the next chapter of YCSBMWTWCD. I was all set. But my dad and I had to drive to Stanford to watch my brother play in the Junior Olympics for water polo, and then I came home with my mom. My dad and brother are going to the redwoods for a week without coming home. Guess who left her notebook in her father's car. That's right. So I tried to recreate everything as best I could from memory, but if it's not as good as what I had written in my notebook, I'm sorry.**

**And I think I just captured the title for longest author's note ever. Go read now. I'll even skip the disclaimer. Just don't sue, okay?**

* * *

"What is he doing here, Nay?' Addison asks, taking a swig of her beer. She had called Naomi over for an emergency meeting the second she was home from work. The silence had been too much; she needed someone to distract her. And yet she keeps bringing her ex-intern up. "I can't have him here. People like me here, they respect me, but when he's here, I'm just…"

"A woman who can't resist eye candy and sleeps with an intern?" Naomi finishes for her. Addison is suddenly overcome with a strange sense of déjà vu.

"That is rude. And unkind. And completely true, oh my God, what am I going to do?" She buries her head in her hands.

"Keep your legs closed?" Naomi jokes. Addison glares at her. "Seriously, Addison, aren't you over him? I mean, it's been three years already. And didn't he get married?"

Addison sighs. "He did. And I am. I'm completely over him, I'm just not over what he did to me."

"I saw your little exchange in the waiting area today. That didn't look over to me."

"No, what you saw was shock and dismay. Believe me, I'm over him, and he never was into me in the first place."

"That's not what it looked like, but whatever. Is he here on vacation or something?"

Addison shakes her head. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he lives here. Why else would he bring his girlfriend to her appointment?"

"Maybe they're not dating," Naomi suggests.

"Oh no, they are. He brought Becca to the OB/GYN. Guys don't do that unless they're completely in love. I could get Derek and Mark to do anything, but they drew the line at coming to my gynecologist appointments. God, I can't believe he's dating one of my patients. How perfect."

"Well, maybe it's the universe's way of telling you that you were wrong to move on."

"Or it's the universe's way of getting back at me for lusting after a patient's husband," Addison retorts.

"Are you still on that?" Naomi groans.

"It was stupid and impulsive… Oh my God, it's like I've learned nothing in the past five years! It's like Mark all over again!" She looks at her beer in disdain. "I need something harder," she announces.

"You have to work tomorrow," Naomi points out.

"I also have to deal with the fact that my past is coming back to haunt me while dating my patients." She gets up to go grab something to drown herself in when the phone rings. She glances at the caller ID, but it's not a number she knows. "Hello?"

"Hi, um, Dr. Montgomery. This is Becca. Uh, Becca Sinclair?"

"Becca?" As Addison says the name, Naomi's eyes widen and she motions for Addison to put the call on speaker. Addison does. "How did you get my number?"

"I looked you up in the phone book. Surprisingly, there aren't that many Addison Montgomery's in the area."

It hadn't occurred to Addison to have her number unlisted in the phonebook. Then again, she never thought her ex-fling's girlfriend would use the number to stalk her.

"And now that makes me sound like a stalker," Bex giggles nervously. "I'm not, I swear. It's just we're coming up on a year since Izzie… you know, died, and I'm worried that Alex might get worse because of the anniversary or whatever. I wanted to have a little something, just to remind him that he's loved or whatever, but I don't really think he wants me to call anyone down from Seattle, and you're kind of the only one of his friends down here I know. So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come to my house for a thing next Saturday. You don't have to stay that long or anything, but I just think it would be a really good thing for Alex."

Addison slips back into the catatonic shock from earlier today. She can't exactly say no without seeming like a total bitch, but she doesn't really want to spend an evening with her ex-intern and his girlfriend. And plus, she and Alex are not friends. No, they are definitely not friends. She can't do this, not at all.

"Addison? Hello?" Bex calls.

"Becca? This is Naomi Bennett, from Oceanside?"

"Oh, yeah. Hi," Bex says.

"Addison would love to come. She just had to go do something really important, but she would love to come, and she'll be at your house. What time should she get there?"

"Say four-ish?" Becca suggests. "Uh, my address is 3567 Seaview Circle."

"Sounds perfect. Thank you, Becca."

"You too, Dr. Bennett."

Naomi hangs up the phone, and Addison comes back to the land of the living. "Why would you do that?!" she shrieks. "I can't go to dinner with her and… and… him!"

"Why not?" Naomi asks smugly. "You are over him, aren't you?"

"Yes!" Addison exclaims without hesitating, but a little too quickly for the answer to be genuine.

"So then it shouldn't be a problem."

Addison glares at her soon to be ex-friend. "I hate you."

"No, you don't. I just make you angry. And you are going, even if I have to drive you there myself."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I see something that you obviously don't," Naomi answers. And then she puts on her stubborn face, and Addison knows she's not getting out of this dinner thing.

0ooo0

Addison raises her hand to knock, then lowers it. Why the hell is she here? The prospect of sitting through this thing with her ex-whatever and his girlfriend is terrifying. She takes a deep breath, tries to knock again and fails. _Oh my God, Addison! Just do it already,_ she thinks. _Stop acting like a teenager. You are both adults and you can handle it._

She raises her hand to try a third time, but the door swings open. "Hi, Dr. Montgomery!" Bex greets her.

Finally all those formal dinner parties she had been forced to attend as a child pay off. Addison puts on her "happy" face and it truly looks like she's happy to be there. "Becca, hi. Thank you for having me. And it's Addison, please."

"You can call me Bex. Alex does, and it's really hard to answer to two names at once."

Before Addison can answer, Alex descends the stairs. Then he sees her. _Crap. Why is she here? She can't be here. I can't be around her, or I'm going to do something stupid. Besides, she hates me._

"What the hell is she doing here?" he asks Bex, his face going pale.

_Believe me, I'm asking myself the exact same thing, _Addison retorts in her mind.

Bex looks at Addison. "I forgot to mention you were coming. Sorry. Alex, quit being an ass."

"Sorry," Alex apologizes, regaining his composure. "I just didn't know you'd be here."

"It's okay," Addison replies. They stare at each other for an agonizingly silent second.

"So I have some food in the in kitchen," Bex announces. "Come on."

Addison and Alex trail behind the brunette, careful not to look at each other, and even more careful still of touching.

The kitchen is cheery and bright. Bex has set the table for three. "Is anyone else coming?" Addison asks, confused.

"No. I tried to get people together, but it just fell through, unfortunately." Bex grins. "But don't worry, we're friendly people. Or we are once Alex has his morning cup of coffee."

"Hey!" Alex exclaims.

"Alex you're so grumpy in the morning, you should become nocturnal," Bex says, leaning over to pat his thigh. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Addison tense up. _Too easy, _she thinks with a smirk.

Part A of Bex's plan is simple: flirt with Alex as outrageously as possible, and make Addison jealous. Part B will come later, after Part A has been accomplished satisfactorily.

"He's not a morning person," she confides to Addison. Addison's lips tighten.

"I remember that," she says. _Did she honestly just invite me here to rub it in my face that she's with him and I'm not? _Addison thinks as Bex rambles on. _Is she really that spiteful? And it's not like she has to worry, because I'm not interested anyways. But he still does look good. Especially for everything he's been through. But I'm not interested. Still, it's different to see him out of scrubs. God, I'd forgotten how hot he is. Something about him just makes me want to… No, bad, bad thoughts, Addison. Don't think them… The table could work, but we'd have to clean up the mess. Or the wall. Girlfriend, Addison! He has a freaking girlfriend who is sitting right next to you and is your patient and you're sitting here, thinking about screwing her boyfriend. Stop it! You're not doing this again! _"Sorry, what?" Addison snaps out of it when she realizes that Bex is waiting for an answer.

"I was just wondering if you were doing anything interesting soon," Bex explains.

"D-doing?" Addison stammers. "N-no. No."

Bex looks at Alex and giggles. "You've got sauce on your face," she says. Then she leans over and wipes it off with her finger. Addison proceeds to shred her paper napkin to bits under the table in an effort to keep her face free of emotion. Bex sees this, and judges it time for Part B. "So I was thinking we might hit the beach," Bex announces after a moment.

Both Addison and Alex's forks drop to their plates with a clatter and they stare at the woman as if she's lost her mind.

_Alex. In a swimsuit. Wet. ARGH! Bad thoughts! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! He has a girlfriend! He has a girlfriend and he was married! _Addison thinks.

_Beach means swimsuits. Addison in a swimsuit. No, you've hurt her badly enough. She's over you. No swimsuit. Addison without a swimsuit. STOP! _Alex thinks.

_Oh, this is so going to work, _Bex thinks.

"I, uh, I don't have a swimsuit," Addison says. Any excuse to get her out of this.

"Oh, don't worry, I have an extra that'll fit you. Promise," Bex says with a grin.

Addison and Alex stay quiet. They can't exactly say no, but this has the signs of an evil scheme written all over it. Only neither can exactly figure out what that evil scheme is.

"Fine," Addison sighs.

* * *

**Okay, so I've got the beach all written out, because I originally intended one chapter, but it was getting long. Since blackmailing you seems to have a wonderous effect on my review count, I'll put it up when i get five reviews, which, if you're quick could be in a couple of hours.**

**Oh, and by the way, thanks to Grey's for letting me steal and twist that quote at the beginning. I know you all probably know that it's not my wonderful writing, but I feel like I should say something. So thanks.**

**NEXT UP: Part B of Bex's plan is put into action.**

**-Juli-**


	4. Reliving

**Wow. I'm incredibly flattered. It took you guys like an hour to meet my standards. Now THAT makes me happy. By the way, I think you should be proud of me for that first chapter way back when. (I keep meaning to mention this and never do.) Because I managed to write a whole chapter in which Addison is mentioned multiple times without once writing her name. Is it weird that I'm prouder of that than I am of the story itself?**

**Still not mine.**

* * *

Addison tugs self-consciously at her bathing suit. Leave it to Bex to only have skimpy bikinis. Addison's stuck in a bright blue sting bikini that really has no business on a woman her age. That's not to say she doesn't pull it off, because Bex is pretty certain the woman looks better in the thing than she does (and Alex is more than pretty certain), it just really doesn't have any business on someone who isn't Bex's age.

"I'm going in the water," Bex announces. In homage to the classic song, she's wearing an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow, polka-dot bikini.

"And I'm not," Addison says. "But have fun."

Both women take in the other's bikini clad body and suddenly understand exactly what Alex Karev sees in her (although, the thought makes one much more jealous than the other).

"I will," Bex grins and runs into the ocean.

"Where'd Bex go?" Alex asks a few seconds later. He'd been relegated to carrying beach chairs, and lagged behind the women.

"Water," Addison explains.

He laughs, forsaking the chairs he carried in favor of a spot in the sand next to Addison. "She always did have a thing for water, ever since we were kids. She can sit and stare at it for hours."

"You've known her for a long time then?" Addison asks, careful to keep her eyes towards the horizon, or the sky, or the sand. Anywhere but on Alex Karev's bare chest, because that would lead to thoughts that she's already had far too many of tonight. Except then she starts _thinking _about Alex Karev's bare chest, and then the breathing thing pretty much stops, and she has to look just to stop thinking about it. But when she looks away, the thinking thing starts again, and there goes the breathing thing again.

"Since I was born pretty much. Her family took me in after…" He hesitates. She looks at him again. Well, she looks at his face this time, and suddenly all thoughts of sex leave her mind (well, almost all anyways). She's seen that face before, sitting next to her in Joe's after one of the most wretched days the hospital had ever seen.

"After?" Addison probes gently.

He debates telling her. "After my mom kicked me out. After I hit my dad."

Her jaw drops slightly. She knew he had a bad childhood, but not to such an extent. "Alex, I'm so-"

"Don't," he interrupts. "It's not your fault my mom was too screwed up to figure out that she was better off without him. He kept her high and that's all mattered to her. She didn't care how many bruises it got her."

Addison doesn't know how to respond to that. Nothing in her substantial social knowledge is of any help at all. So she improvises. "Since we seem to be sharing… I almost had an affair with a patient's husband. Actually, there was no almost about it. I did. I don't know what I was thinking, but it just seemed so right. Except it wasn't, and now I'm back to hating my reflection. It's like Seattle all over again."

"Don't hate your reflection," Alex tells her. "Yeah, it was stupid, but you figured out that it was wrong and you stopped, and that's what matters. You're a good person, Addison Montgomery. Don't let yourself beat it out of you."

She smiles as she recognizes her words from three years ago, if twisted to suit his purpose. They lock eyes and go quiet. They're suddenly traversing incredibly familiar territory. She swallows as they lean in and his lips brush hers in the softest of kisses.

She jumps back and slaps him. She covers her mouth, her eyes wide, though whether it's in surprise at the slap or in dismay at the kiss is anybody's guess.

"Ow! What the hell?" he asks, rubbing his face.

"You have a girlfriend!" she exclaims.

"Girlfriend? What girlfriend?" He frowns.

"The one currently a hundred yards away!"

"Bex?" he asks. "You think I'm dating _Bex_?! Why would you think that?"

"You moved to LA for her, you take her to her OB/GYN appointments, and let's not forget the fact that, oh yeah, you live with her!"

"She's my best friend!" he laughs. She can feel her arguments getting weaker by the second. "Sleeping with her would be like sleeping with my sister!"

"She's been flirting with you all night," she protests weakly.

"That's just Bex," he explains. Then he grows serious. "Addison, there's only one woman on this beach right now that I would ever want to date—seriously or otherwise."

Addison opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. And then she starts thinking, which then points out a couple of flaws in this scenario. "So I'm just supposed to take what you say as gospel, and forgive you?" she asks.

"I was kind of hoping so, yeah," he admits.

"No! No, Alex, you rejected me. Twice. You told me you weren't interested, and then that I wasn't your girlfriend. You broke my heart and then you went and got married! You don't get any more chances."

"She was dying, Addison! What the hell was I supposed to do? We all knew it, everybody in that hospital knew it, and you would have too, if you had been there. I don't wish that I hadn't done it. I'm glad that I could make her happy. Don't blame me for wanting that. There are other things I regret." The look he gives her tells her he's talking about her. "But I don't regret that."

"You married _her_," Addison insists, brushing away tears. _You wouldn't even sleep with me a second time, but you married her._

"And the entire time I was thinking about you!" he yells. "I married her, and I sat beside her, and all I could think about was that if it were you in that bed, I'd never be as calm as I was then, because I can't stand the thought of losing you! I thought about you at the funeral. Izzie was being buried and I was thinking about you!"

Addison's eyes turn to ice. "Don't you _dare_ make that my fault. It is not my fault that you married her. I gave you plenty of chances, and you kept pushing me away. It is not _my_ fault that you didn't pay attention to your dying wife!"

Sobs threaten to overtake her body, so she grabs her car keys and starts to get to her feet.

He grabs her wrist, overtaken by a desperate need to make her understand that he doesn't blame her, that he knew it's not her fault. He just wants her to understand that he loves her. "Addison, I didn't mean it like that," he starts to explain.

She wrenches herself from his grip. "Screw you," she snaps and sprints up the beach.

He stares hopelessly after her. It's no use chasing her, he knows—she's as good as gone forever.

* * *

**So don't hate me. Trust me. I've never led you wrong before, have I? Don't answer that. But you KNOW Grey's is annoying like this! So quit glaring at your screen. It's not his fault.**

**And in my mind, Addison's face when she slaps him is like the scene where Addison and Mark meet after the transcontinental booty call. Just so you know.**

**Unfortunately, I don't really have much to blackmail you with, but I already know where this is going, so review and I'll write that up so you can get it later today or tomorrow. ;)**

**-Juli-**


	5. Pain

**Ha! It's currently 11:26 p.m. which means I just got you 3 chapters and a chapter for YCSBMWTWCD in under 24 hours. I'm proud of me. You should be too. Enjoy.**

**Not mine.**

* * *

She flings herself down on her bed and cries. She hasn't cried this hard since the day after the divorce. She hates that he has the power to make her this miserable, but he does.

She's not ready to be just another notch in his belt. Again. She can't go through that awful sensation she went through when he told her that she wasn't his girlfriend. She had comforted herself by thinking that he just wasn't ready for a relationship; he wasn't ready for anything serious, it wasn't just her. But then he got married, which totally blew that theory out of the water. It was painfully clear to her that he loved Izzie, while she was just another woman to tide him over until he could get together with the girl of his dreams.

_But he said that he was thinking about me, _the tiny bit of her that still dares to hope whispers.

_He just wanted to get me in bed again._

_He wanted more than that. I could see it._

_He wanted sex, nothing more. That's all we've ever been, and that's all we ever will be. Just sex._

_He's not even dating Bex._

_But he still doesn't want me._

0ooo0

"Where'd Addison go?" Bex asks.

Alex face gets darker at her name. "She's gone."

"Gone? Without saying anything?"

"She had plenty to say," he snaps.

Bex frowns. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Alex Karev, tell me what's going on," Bex demands. "I'm going to ask you again, and you're going to tell me, or I'm calling her. What the hell happened?"

"She hates me. There's nothing new going on here."

"She doesn't hate you," Bex sighs. "And that's still not an answer. What happened?"

"We kissed, okay?! And then she slapped me, because for some reason she thought I was dating you. And now she thinks I blame her because I couldn't love Izzie."

Bex stares at him. "Okay, first off, you suck at telling stories. But more importantly, why would she think that?"

"I might as well just have told her."

"Idiot!" Bex exclaims. _Why are these stupid people so… so… stupid?! All of that work and they manage to tear it down in ten seconds._

"You don't have to tell me," he sulks.

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go back to the house, get showered and all, so she'll have time to cool off. Then we're going straight over there and you're going to apologize."

"What?!"

'I'm so ridiculously tired of seeing you unhappy, Alex, and the happiest I've ever seen you is around her, so too bad, but that's how it's going to go. Sorry."

0ooo0

Addison's phone rings. "Hello?" she asks miserably.

"I was going to ask how the dinner thing went, but I don't think I want to know anymore," Naomi announces.

"It was awful," Addison admits.

"There must have been _something _good," Naomi goads.

"No, it was pretty much all bad. Although, he's not dating Bex. I mean, Becca."

"See, I told you!" Naomi exclaims.

"He kissed me. Oh, and then I found out that he was thinking about me at his wife's funeral."

"_What_?!" Naomi shrieks. Addison holds the phone away from her ear.

"Oh yeah," Addison says, slipping into the flippant sarcasm that serves as her defense mechanism. "And apparently this is my fault somehow."

"Did he say that?" Naomi asks. She's known Addison too long to be deterred by the sarcasm. She can see exactly what is bothering her friend.

"Not in so many words, but he may as well have."

"Addison, you're reading way too much into this. What were his exact words?"

"He just ranted about how Izzie was dying and he was thinking about me."

"He loves you," Naomi proclaims.

"Loves me? No, Naomi. You're wrong. And now who's reading too much into things?"

"What did he say about marrying Izzie?"

"What?"

"What did he say?"

Addison picks at a loose thread in her comforter. "He said that he didn't regret it, because she was happy."

"He loves you!" Naomi exclaims. "By saying that he didn't regret it, he was saying that he _should_ have regretted marrying Izzie, because he didn't really love her. Because he's in love with you!"

"He said none of that," Addison replies, but she can feel her heart raise in hope.

"He's a guy. He sucks at talking. You need to get back to that house."

"You think?"

"I know. Addison, you get over to that house or I'm going to pick you up and drag you there."

"Okay, I just need to put clothes on," Addison says.

She can practically hear Naomi's eyes narrow. "And where are your clothes?"

"Still over there," Addison says guiltily. She knows that Naomi's about to question her on that, so she explains quickly. "We went to the beach."

"Okay, well, get dressed and go!" Naomi says. "I'll talk to you soon!"

She doesn't wait for Addison to answer before hanging up the phone. Addison tosses Bex's bikini in the wash (she was always told not to return items of clothing unwashed) and hops in the shower. Then she pulls the bikini from the wash, shoves it in the dryer and dries her hair. By the time she's ready to walk out the door, the bikini is dry and ready to give her an excuse to show up on their doorstep.

0ooo0

So now she's standing on their doorstep for the second time in six hours. And once again, she's doing the hesitant hand thing. But this time she does manage to knock.

A few seconds later, Alex opens the door, standing in only his boxers (Addison tries not to think about it). "Addison," he says, looking surprised and more than a little nervous.

"I… I came to give back Bex's suit," she explains, holding out the suit, possibly as an olive branch.

"Oh," he says. They stare at each other in silence. "Addison, about earlier," he finally says. "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," she interrupts.

"Would you stop saying that?!" he explodes. "It's not fine. I don't want to think that I blame you for anything. I don't, and I never had. I just meant that ever since you left… I can't stop thinking about you. And even if I don't regret marrying Izzie, I regret everything that's hurt you." _I love you._

Addison stays quiet, shocked into speechlessness. That's probably the most eloquent she's ever heard him be.

"Alex?" Bex calls from upstairs. "Who's at the door?" She descends the stairs, gathering her wet hair in her hands and wearing only what Addison assumes to be Alex's shirt. "And where the hell did you put the towels?"

Addison takes in Bex's appearance and Alex's still damp hair. She can feel her heart stop and her eyes fill with pain. _So _this _is what Derek felt like, _she thinks. "Like sleeping with your sister, huh?" she says quietly. "You must _really_ like your sister."

She turns around before he can see the tears in her eyes, and rushes as fast as she can down the steps. Unfortunately for her, one of her feet gets tangled up in the other, and she trips. She can't help it; the physical pain on top of the emotional pain breaks open the floodgates, and she starts crying.

He's rushing down the steps before she hits the ground. "Are you okay?" he asks. He kneels down and tries to touch her, but she jerks away.

"Don't touch me," she snaps.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" Bex asks as she approaches.

"Would you tell her that we didn't sleep together, since apparently she doesn't listen to anything I say?"

Bex frowns. "Why would she think-" Then she looks at herself and Alex. "Oh. Addison, I swear to God, we didn't sleep together. I just got out of the shower so that we could come find you."

Addison sniffs, trying to decide whether or not they're lying. Alex she can see lying to her, but why would Bex? "Ow," she says as she tries to straighten her leg.

"You're bleeding," Bex points out. Addison's knee really is a mess of blood. "We should get you inside."

"If you think I'm getting blood on these shoes to walk inside…" Addison says, her obsession with footwear overtaking her pain.

Alex rolls his eyes. "I'll carry you." Before Addison can respond, he scoops her up and carries her inside.

Addison wraps her arms around his neck, and her mind goes blank. Well, except for one thought. _If he can lift me up this easily, we really could use the wall… Crap, my knee hurts._

He sits her down in the kitchen, propping her leg up on a chair, and Bex proceeds to wipe up the blood so that the two doctors can get a look.

"Not deep enough for stitches," they pronounce in unison.

"Bex, can you go grab the first aid stuff?" Alex asks. Addison groans because she knows what's coming next. "You need to clean it," he lectures her.

"I know," she sulks.

"Here, I've got the hydrogen peroxide," Bex announces. Addison eyes the bottle warily. She knows it has to be done, but that doesn't mean she needs to give herself up so easily. Bex hands the bottle to Alex, who unscrews the lid. Addison closes her eyes.

"Okay, Addison, pouring now," he announces. Addison feels the liquid run over her knee and gasps at the cold. For one second, she's okay, but then the burning starts. She whimpers and bites down on her own finger to keep herself from screaming. It's pathetic, yes, but it _hurts_.

Alex shifts uncomfortably in his seat as her body tenses up. He hates seeing her in any sort of pain. He grabs her free hand—the one that she's not currently trying to separate her finger from using only her teeth.

Bex leaves the room discreetly. This moment seems strangely personal and she feels like an intruder.

"Ow," Addison breathes, once the fog of pain is reduced to more of a light haze. "God, we can put people on the moon, but we can't come up with an antiseptic that doesn't hurt."

Alex laughs. "You're sure you're okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," she nods. "I'll be fine."

They lock eyes again. Alex really, _really _wants to kiss her, but he doesn't. _That's the second time today I've made her cry, _he thinks. _She deserves better than that._

_Why doesn't he just kiss me? _Addison thinks. She shifts a little in her seat, and bites her lip in pain when she jostles her knee. _God, that hurts._

He looks down and inspects her knee. "I don't think you're going to have a scar," he pronounces.

"You never know," Addison replies, looking him in the eyes. "You can never be sure of what might leave a scar."

_We're not talking about her knee anymore, are we? _he asks himself. "I guess not. But I guess there are ways to fix them when you get them."

"I don't know," Addison says. "Scars make people interesting. They have stories."

"But you tripped over your own feet," he points out. "So your story's that you're clumsy?"

"Or something happened to make me forget where I was putting my feet," she shoots back. And now they're back to the topic they keep coming back to.

"Addison, what I said earlier…"

"Don't," she says quietly, forgiving all transgressions without his asking.

"I don't want you to be mad at me," he admits.

"I'm not."

"There's stuff you should know."

"Okay," she agrees. _He's still holding my hand._

"Watching Izzie… die, I was calm. I mean, it was sad, and I hated every second of it, but I was calm. You trip over your own feet, and I freak out. I don't regret marrying Izzie, but I regret every time I made you cry." _And I think I'm in love with you._

Addison bites her lip, trying to come up with exactly how to express her feelings. "You hurt me. You hurt me badly, and you hurt me more than once. And I wish I could hate you for it, but I can't." _Because I'm in love with you._

"I'm not going to sleep with Bex, just so you know. I never have and I never will."

"I'm glad to hear that. And you'd better not," she says. "Especially if you're going to start sleeping with me."

She kisses him before he can answer. Neither says the unspoken parts of their confessions out loud. That's for another day.

* * *

**So I'm debating whether or not to write an epilogue. Maybe, if I can come up with an idea for it. But this is the last official chapter. Which makes this your last official time to review!**

**-Juli-**


	6. Stay

**Well, it's not my best and it's not my longest. But it's an epilogue, and I kind of like it anyways. I hope you do too. I'm a little sad to say goodbye to Bex. I wouldn't be surprised if she pops up somewhere else. I like writing her a little too much to leave her here.**

**I do get to claim Bex, which is good for me. I don't get to claim Grey's or Private Practice, which is not good for me.**

* * *

Addison glances at the clock besides the bed as her vision comes into focus. It's around five in the morning, which is wrong in and of itself.

It's becomes much, much worse when she realizes that the clock is not the one that currently rests beside her bed. In fact, this isn't even her bed. Well, at least she knows who she's going to see when she turns over.

_Sex on the first date. Really, Addison? _she berates herself. Okay, yeah, so technically they've already slept together, but that was three years ago and so doesn't count. And this certainly doesn't exactly help out with that whole new leaf thing she was hoping to manage. _This is just plain bad_.

_At least he took me on a date first this time._

_And at least it wasn't just me shoving him into a supply closet._

_But still… I've got to get out of here. Too awkward._

As quickly and as quietly as possible, she dresses and sneaks out. She reaches the front door and thinks she's home free when her destination swings open to reveal Bex dressed very much like Addison is. That is, buttons hastily buttoned, clothing slightly crooked. She's doing her very own walk of shame. The two women freeze and stare at each other in silence.

"Umm… hi," Bex finally says.

"Hi," Addison replies.

More silence. Lots of silence. "This is awkward," Bex admits. "Do you want some coffee?"

"You just got home. How could you know if there's coffee?"

"There's _always _coffee in this house," Bex explains. "And if there is not coffee, then I will make coffee. You should have some to wake you up, before you go and do your sneaky thing and have to drive home at five in the morning."

Okay, so there may be an ulterior motive to this little bit of hospitality. Like the fact that Bex has spent far too much effort getting her doctor and best friend together to allow her doctor to ruin everything by sneaking out of the house at five in the morning without so much as an apology to her best friend. But flat out taking her hostage seems a bit extreme, so hospitality seems to be the best reason to get her to stay.

"Er, I, um…" Addison stammers. There's not really a way out of this without being totally rude. "Okay."

They head into the kitchen and surprise, surprise; the coffee pot is getting started on its daily task of preparing coffee. Bex motions for Addison to sit at the table.

They sit in silence for a moment. "So that was a nice little walk of shame you were doing back there," Bex finally comments. "The shoes in hand were a nice touch." Addison opens her mouth to offer some sort of retort, but Bex just keeps going. "But the part I don't understand is the motivation. I mean, you're clearly head over heels for Alex, so there should be no walk of shame. You should currently be fighting him for the covers. And yet I open the door and there you are, doing the walk of shame. Care to enlighten the audience?"

Addison looks down at the floor, then seizes upon her only chance of escape. "What about you?" she asks.

Bex laughs. "Oh no, my walk of shame was already pretty much complete, which makes yours ten times interesting and important. No changing the subject."

Addison's silent for a moment. Then, in a miniscule voice, she says, "It was our first date."

"Yeah, so?" Bex replies. "It's not like you haven't slept with him before."

"Yeah, but that was different. That was stupid and impulsive. And this… this I thought about. But I still chose the stupid and impulsive route."

"Sometimes stupid and impulsive is a good thing," Bex informs her.

Addison shakes her head. "The last time I was stupid and impulsive, he told me I wasn't his girlfriend and…"

"And?" Bex goads gently. Her eyes are soft and all signs of mischief have left them.

Addison doesn't answer for a moment, choosing to study the tiles of the floor instead. When she looks up, Bex thinks she can see a glimmer of a tear in her eyes. "He broke my heart," she admits in a child's voice, so quietly Bex almost misses it.

Bex smiles and hugs the older woman. "He's different now," she promises. "He's grown up a lot since then."

"I just… I can't go through that again. I'm not strong enough anymore." Bex is now sure that she can see tears.

"The coffee had better be ready, Bex," Alex announces as he enters the kitchen. He looks completely grumpy, and he is. As far as he knows, Addison spent the night with him and then just left, like she was embarrassed. He is not happy right now.

But then he sees Addison sitting in his kitchen, Bex by her side, brushing away tears. All thoughts of anger leave his mind. "Hey, are you okay?" he asks, coming to stand by her.

She looks up at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," she reassures him. She's not fooling anybody though, it's clear she's reassuring herself.

"You sure?" he frowns. The care in his eyes pretty much threatens to squeeze more tears out of her eyes, which is simply not acceptable in her mind. She's cried enough in his presence, thank you very much. But that exact same care… _Love maybe? _the dreamer in her thinks.

She smiles. "I'm sure."

"I was just making coffee," Bex informs him. "And I thought maybe you could make breakfast and Addison could stay."

Bex looks at both of them and tries her hardest to send them psychic messages. _Mess with my plans and I'm going to scream. Quit sabotaging yourselves. Just stop it._

Addison and Alex look at each other. "Sure," Alex agrees, grabbing a mug of coffee. "You want some?" he asks Addison.

"Sure," she agrees.

"So you're staying?" Bex asks.

Addison looks around. "I'm staying," she announces. "I can't pass up breakfast that I don't have to make."

_That is so not why you're staying,_ all three of them think. _You're staying because of him, and you don't even look like you're planning on leaving. Ever.

* * *

_

**And it's over. Really. Wow. That's kind of sad. But like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if Bex starts popping up places now. I like Bex. She's good for Alex.**

**So, in my very last words of this story I'm going to ask you the perennial question of an author on this site- could you possibly take the time to write a review?**

**-Juli-**


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